HONORING A PARENT WHO HAS PASSED AWAY

Many brides and grooms want to include some type of remembrance during their wedding ceremony of a parent (or parents) that have passed away. It can be done tactfully and without making it too sad at the same time; here are some options:


A Lighting of candles can be done at the very beginning of the ceremony or during the lighting of the unity candle.





Presentation of single stemmed flowers for each parent at the altar.

A special reading which mentions their name) could also be done.

Before you decide, speak with your clergy and see what he or she thinks would be best. They know you better and are in a better position to make suggestions.


One final and important point: Don't get too sentimental during this time. This is your wedding day and you know your parents would want you to enjoy this celebration without becoming so choked up that you couldn't go on with the ceremony.

10 Most Asked Questions by Brides

1. How can I let people know where I am registered?
Word of mouth is really only the "proper" way to inform people where you are registered. You really must wait until they ask you or other family members. All friends and family members should be told where you are registered so they can inform others when asked.

Today, many brides are including cards from the department store where they are registered in their shower invitation. However, this is still never done in the wedding invitation.

2. How can I ask for money instead of a gift?
Actually, there is no way of wording the asking of money for wedding gifts in lieu of something else without being tacky. I'm afraid this is a cardinal rule of etiquette that must be taken seriously. The only thing you can do is tell your friends and relatives your preference. Then, when others ask, your family and friends can say that you would prefer money. Then, guests can do whatever they like. If they take the hint, great, but if they don't, accept the gift with a gracious thank you!

3. How can I let people know that I don't want children at the wedding?
The only thing you can do is not include the children's names on the invitations. However, you'll find that some people will still bring their children.

So you might want to be prepared with a "kids table" that includes crayons, coloring books, and candy. Some even hire a babysitter to look after the children at the "kids table". Some brides are now having "adult only" printed on their invitations but again, even at that, some people ignore the printing and assume their children are invited.

4. Who pays for what?
A growing trend today is for wedding expenses to be shared among the bride and groom, as well as each of their families, but, here is the traditional list of "Who Pays for What" (Contact Lady D's to provide you with a traditional "Who Pays For What List".

5. How many invited guests should I expect will actually attend my wedding?
The general rule of thumb is if you're having over 200 guests, then you can estimate that about 25-28% of your guests will be unable to attend. If you are having less 200 guests, then the percentage usually decreases to about 15-20% or less. Other factors include how many guests you invite that live out-of-town and the travel distance required to attend the wedding.

Remember, every family and guest list is different, so always be prepared in case everyone is able to come!

6. What are the Maid of Honor's responsibilities?
The main role of the Maid of Honor is to help the bride with the wedding planning. This can include shopping for dresses, addressing invitations, putting together favors and just being there when the bride needs some extra help, support or someone to talk to.

7. What is appropriate to wear for a second wedding?
No matter whether it is your first, second or third wedding… the focal point is still the wedding dress. Many second-time brides choose a simpler, more elegant or sophisticated wedding dress. Many choose a floor length or cocktail length dress in white, off-white or a pretty pastel.

Many "etiquette experts" advise second-time brides to not wear a veil or a long train for their second wedding. Don't listen to them! This is your day, wear what you want to wear! Maybe you had a very small first wedding and now you want to go all out! Wear what makes you feel beautiful! Learn more about second-time weddings.

8. How Do I Personalize my Wedding?
There are plenty of tips and ideas to make your wedding unique and personal. But, which ideas are right for you?

Only you can decide. Think about what is important to you and your fiancé. Think about special interests or hobbies that you share together. Or, maybe there is a special place, the beach or some quaint little Inn you went to when he proposed. Incorporate these elements and these "feelings" into your wedding and it will be truly unique and personal.

9. Should I Tip My Wedding Vendors?
Your caterer or reception site serving the food will include their gratuities with your bill. So, a tip is not necessarily expected.

As for your other vendors (wedding consultant, band or DJ, limo driver, photographer), again a tip is not required. However, if you feel a vendor went above and beyond the call of duty, then feel free to provide them with an extra tip. If you are concerned whether or not a vendor is expecting a tip, then discuss it with them.

10. What fee should I pay my clergy?
This can be a tough one, most clergy do not have a fee but instead ask for a donation. In this case, anywhere from $50 - $100 or more. A lot depends on how well you know them and whether or not counseling sessions were involved.

If you are still unsure what the appropriate amount should be, then talk to the church secretary and ask for an "acceptable range" for a donation.

LADY D'S SUGGESTED WAYS TO PANIC PROOF YOUR WEDDING

Avoid asking friends or family to provide food, flowers, or official photography. It will create an awkward situation if you're not pleased with the results. It's easier to expect perfection from someone being paid.

Avoid heavy cake tops or too many tiers. These can make the cake unstable.

Protect your bridal gown. Never iron it or attempt any kind of touch up. If it is badly wrinkled, contact the bridal shop for pressing. Do not eat, drink, or smoke after putting the gown on. Do not apply makeup and keep away from pets.

When you get your gown, practice putting it on, walking, turning, and moving like you will during the ceremony. Get a feel for how the dress moves and how much extra time you’ll need to handle the train.



Avoid having children under age three in the wedding party. If you do, let one of the attendants walk with the child or pair them with an older child.

Have a toy under the petals of the basket for the child to open once they have completed their walk.

Have a person from the parish ready to whisk the kids off to a Sunday school run ready with snacks and juice to keep the kids till the ceremony is over. Don't expect the kids to sit quietly for up to an hour just to have exiting pictures. Bring them back up for pictures later. The wedding is not about the perfect pictures you will have later; it is about the vows.

Or have an attendant or a groomsmen assigned the task of keeping an eye on the kids during the service. Should the child become unruly, their parent should be alerted to come and remove the child from this focal point of the ceremony.

Picture perfect? To get a child to get through the rehearsal dinner, sleep a good nights rest, alter their morning routine, put on scratchy strange clothes and hard new shoes, sit for their hairstyle, keep a "thing" on top of their head, get through per-ceremony pictures, hold a basket and not loose it, drop petals, walk slow, walk straight, and then two hours later be expect to be clean, still and quiet for more pictures? This is not possible for many adults!

A calm easygoing bride is the best medicine for the child and also helps to relax the mother as well. Keeping your expectations low and having a go with the flow attitude is the best strategy for the bride to be.
"Children need praise. Praise them for their performance and thank them for their cooperation. They will react accordingly. All they want is a little love!"

10 THINGS NOT TO DO BEFORE YOUR WEDDING






Don't start your wedding planning without a budget. One of the most stressful elements to wedding planning usually is money. Make sure you decide up front how much your total wedding budget is going to be and who will be contributing and how much.

Don't spend more than your budget or what you can afford. Your wedding day is an important day, but it is only one day. You don't want to start your new life together by going into "serious" debt from your wedding expenses and being strapped with that debt for the next five years.

Don't rely upon oral agreements with vendors. Get everything in writing!

Don't try and do everything yourself. Planning a wedding can be a full time job in itself. So, don't try and take on such an enormous project alone, delegate as much as you can! When it comes to weddings, everyone loves to help, so let them!
Don't insist on having it your way all the time! Come to an agreement on the things that are less important.

Don't skimp on your photography. Your wedding day goes by so fast, and after it's over, all you'll have left is your memories and your pictures.

Don't get crazy over every detail. It can really take the pleasure out of the wedding planning process. I mean, will it really matter that the ribbons for the favors are baby blue instead of ice blue?

Don't forget to thank everyone involved in your wedding and those that gave you gifts. Also, don't let those thank you notes pile up. Send them out promptly after you receive a gift.

Don't overload yourself the day before your wedding. This is not the time to put together 200 favors. Try to do only one or two small tasks and leave the rest of the day to relax and pamper yourself.

Don't expect perfection for your wedding day. Expect a "terrific" day and set reasonable expectations. Never forget, the main goal is to get married.